Tweedle Dum! | January 9th 2005
**Warning: Long entry ahead!**
I’m feeling frustrated, confused, hurt, tired, disappointed and a billion other emotions at the moment. I’m at work–(on my break–I don’t want anybody to think I’m irresponisble)–back to moi, so I’m at work, and I want to be at home, in my bed, under my covers, in my room. Only that’s not going to happen anytime soon. At 14:40 when I ping out of work, I have to tidy up my room and clear out my belongings because my grandparents are arriving from Egypt tonight, and my room will be their new headquarters. Not that i have a problem with that, no siree!! It’s just that, i don’t want to go through the whole “cleaning the room” process :s Especially after ‘mommy dearest’ took all my clothes out of my closet (no, she’s not giving them away!) but my new closet was supposed to come in yesterday, and guess what–it didn’t (yes, i know u’re not surprised :s) Anyhoo, my clothes are all over the place, my room’s a mess (and it wasn’t even my fault!!) Ok, it’s obvious how much i’m dreading the ‘cleaning the room’ process. I can’t wait to get to the Airport though! I haven’t been there in a year, a WHOLE year!! :( yes, i haven’t been out of Kuwait for that long–is that healthy?! I mean, shouldn’t we give ourselves a break from seeing the same ppl, and going to the same places everyday?! Ya’ll know how small Kuwait is!! Just incase you think i’m dissing Kuwait, i’m not–trust me, I actually enjoy living here–it’s not my home country, but it’s the country I call home–know what I mean?! I was born here, lived here, attended school here–and I guess because of that, i wanted to leave for university and i was SO close to getting out of here, SO FREAKIN CLOSE!!!! But, we don’t always get what we want…I was going to attend a university in the Emirates (i’ve been planning to attend a specific university over there since i was in Year 9–equivelant to the 8th Grade–my parents were ok with me leaving–and so i thought) I’ll tell you this, I’m not the “OMG!! I just got 99.9999% on my exam!! Why didn’t i get 100%” kind of student!! I’d be satisfied with a ‘C’. My father never thought I would get accepted to that university in the Emirates, so for 5 years he played along, nodding his head in appoval whenever i mentioned the university, and when the time came to apply–he started acting differently, he started to mention universities here in Kuwait–I was against them, and i mean TOTALLY against them! These universities had been around for less than 4 years (which meant they weren’t credited) I applied to 2 universities in Emirates (and the university my father wanted me to apply to in Kuwait–just to get on his good side–other than that, I wouldn’t have applied) Last August I waited for responses from the universities in the Emirates, and I GOT IN!! (o ya, i also got accepted to the university my dad wanted me to attend) I actually got in with my ‘average’ grades!! (I had good extra-curriular activities!!) I was ecstatic that i got into the university I WANTED TO GO TO!! Finally, out of Kuwait, and going off to a decent university, what more does an 18 year old want?! Well, my little bubble burst and my dreams shattered. My father told me he wasn’t allowing me to attend the university in the Emirates. (WHAT??!!!) yes, didn’t let me go,”Why?” you ask–well i’ll list my father’s reasons:
- It’s going to be tough for you out there, you don’t know anybody
- Our financial status isn’t that stable
- I’m too attached to you to actually let you go
- Your mother and I will miss you terribly
- I know you’re going to love living there–which means you’ll get married and live there forever
- If you live there for 4 years, by the time you’ll graduate, I’ll be 58, you’ll be 22, which means you’ll hav 2-3 years till you get married. When you get married I’ll be 60-61–which means I’ll be old and I’ll die
Yes he actually said the last reason!! DO YOU FREAKIN BELIEVE IT?!!!!
Now let’s counter those reasons:
- My friends go to that university–so i know lots of ppl that go there
- The university you want me to attend is ‘expensiver’ than the one i want to attend!!
- He’s too attached–well it’s not like i’m leaving forever
- I actually enjoy life in Kuwait and I was planning to return after university to live and work here
- My mother actually wanted me to go to that university, she said she knew it was the best for me…
- “Married there” for the love of God–what’s going on through my Dad’s head!
- What was up with the last reason “i’m going to die”. I kid you not people, he actually said that!! How does he know he’s going to die then?! I don’t believe he actually used that as a reason!!!
And you know what’s really pissing me off?!! My brother’s going to graduate from highschool in a couple of years–and on ‘Careers Day’ at his school–him and my parents decided they would like to send him to the UK!!! NOW WHAT’S UP WITH THAT?!!! If the UK didn’t work out–then to the States, then as a last resort the Emirates!!! I don’t believe it, i don’t freakin believe it!!!! So I’m being forced to attend a university I don’t want to and my brother gets the choice?!!
You know what just crossed my mind?! ‘Just a Girl’ By No Doubt
Take this pink ribbon off my eyes I’m exposed
And it’s no big surprise
Don’t you think I know Exactly where I stand
This world is forcing me To hold your hand
‘Cause I’m just a girl, little ‘ol me
Don’t let me out of your sight
I’m just a girl, all pretty and petite
So don’t let me have any rights
Oh…I’ve had it up to here!
The moment that I step outside
So many reasons For me to run and hide
I can’t do the little things I hold so dear
‘Cause it’s all those little things That I fear
‘Cause I’m just a girl I’d rather not be
‘Cause they won’t let me drive Late at night
I’m just a girl, Guess I’m some kind of freak
‘Cause they all sit and stare With their eyes
I’m just a girl, Take a good look at me
Just your typical prototype
Oh…I’ve had it up to here!
Oh…am I making myself clear?
I’m just a girl I’m just a girl in the world…
That’s all that you’ll let me be!
I’m just a girl, living in captivity
Your rule of thumb Makes me worry some
I’m just a girl, what’s my destiny?
What I’ve succumbed to Is making me numb
I’m just a girl, my apologies
What I’ve become is so burdensome
I’m just a girl, lucky me
Twiddle-dum there’s no comparison
Oh…I’ve had it up to! Oh…I’ve had it up to!! Oh…I’ve had it up to here!
Ya…well, there are ups and downs to being a girl in a close-knit family…o well, everything happens for a reason, right?! Hang on, how did i end up talking about university?! lol, amazing, how one topic drags another! Well, my break is nearly over, time to sign off, ta ta for now :*