Beacause of you:

I have to smile when I really feel like crying

I have to lie to myself

I’ve given up so many things

I’m deprived from doing what I really want

I had to let him go

I lie to you

I feel like ending everything - even myself

***

Nothing I ever do is up to your standards. I’m disappointed because I’ve disappointed you. You said I’m being rebellious? Well it’s your fault; it because of you that I’m this way. You’re never satisfied, there’s always something that I do that you hate, something that will make you condemn me. I’ve reached a point where I hate myself. I can’t gain your approval, and when I do it’s because I’m lying to myself.

Kind of funny how the only person in the world I can talk to is also the only person who will bring me down the most.

Sure I love you…but you’re making it very hard for me to show you.

If I express how I feel, you’ll say i’m being impolite. If i supress my anger and my true emotions, you’ll say that I’m not like I used to, and that I’ve changed to the worst; then you’ll blame everything on him. Which brings me to another point. I hate it, I really hate it when you bring him up. Stop it, stop it, STOP IT! At the end of the day I’m just a human, you’re just adding salt to my wound when you mention him - a wound that you caused.

Fine, so I’ve changed! I’m not going to stay a little girl forever. I’m growing up, I’m in a stage of discovery, I don’t know who I am, so don’t expect me to stay the same as I was; I’m changing and that’s normal.

I love you, but things are never going to be the same, never.